The McCain Campaign, along with the RNC, hot off the heels of their "tire gage" campaign, opened a new line of attack on Democratic presumptive nominee Barack Obama, mocking him openly for Obama's suggestion that the, "Earth is round."

The campaign, which rewards contributers with an accurate FLAT representation of the Earth, as well as a bumper sticker saying "Next You're Going To Tell Us The Earth Revolves Around The Sun, Senator Obama!", will kick off tomorrow, when Senator McCain will sail to the end of the planet and throw Paris Hilton into the abyss.

"When voters see that hottie being devoured by the End Of the World Dragons," RNC Chairman Mike Duncan smiled, "THEN they'll know who is ready to be President on day one!"

Sorry for the short diary, but I just learned that John McCain has surged to an 11 point lead in Gallup's new Minutely Tracking Poll. I don't have time to get into the internals, but just say at 10:53 AM PST on August 4th John McCain is killing Obama amongst farmers, people with allergies and kids in--

On the heels of their scurrilous charge that Democratic Presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama demands "MET-RX chocolate roasted-peanut protein bars" while out on the campaign trail, the McCain campaign went FURTHER, uncovering and releasing to the press the nutritional information label from said breakfast embarrassment:

I cannot believe these people! I canceled my subscription before, but I am now calling the magazine to get a NEW subscription, so that I can cancel it again later today!

No, no. Better yet... I'm going to buy the entire magazine so that I can go into the office of every staff member wearing a Donald Trump style wig and yell, "You're so totally and everlastingly unemployed!"

Don't know what I'm talking about?

WELL, LOOK AT THIS, SPANKY:

Hey, live from Netroots Nation here!

I'm no good at typing fast so there will probably be a lot of mistakes, but even though I had to go through a full-body cavity search and sign a loyalty pledge (and agree to allow my phone and my email and my private thoughts to be tapped) I wouldn't have missed this opportunity for the world!

Dear Bill and Katherine:

I know we discussed you and your family coming to stay with us in Los Angeles, but I'm sad to say that our house is in the middle of foreclosure and by the time you get here, we will likely be homeless. FORTUNATELY, as Phil Gramm of the McCain campaign has stated, this is simply a mental depression and, as such, I have gone and imagined myself a four bedroom house with a pool in Beverly Hills! Therefore, if you'd like to mentally come stay at my imaginary house... just call our brain-butler Frank and he'll feed our newly imagined unicorn, Sparkles, so he's nice and strong to give your children a flying ride!

Due to Republican John S. McCain's recent troubles mastering the teleprompter, the Senator's campaign has organized a crack team of linguists, copy-editors, and speechwriters to publish "corrections" on the internet and in emails to press following all of his appearances. The first of these speech rectifications was issued this morning...

President Barack Obama will not lower your cholesterol.

He will not personally show up in your bathroom to give you a bikini wax.

And he will not inspire the local Catholic Church to start handing out "The Pope respects BOTH your reproductive choices and your gay lover!" bumper stickers...